Sunday, February 14, 2010

Speaking Love

When we were first married, my husband and I had trouble communicating love to each other.
Every morning, he would brew me a cup of coffee, pack my lunch, iron my clothes, and turn on the seat warmers in my car. I showered him with gratitude and told everyone what an amazing man he was.

After a while, I realized that my compliments were empty words to him because they were not followed by acts of service. See, my husband feels loved when I cook a nice meal, clean the house, and do small favors for him.

My husband was shocked to find out he wasn't speaking my language either the night I cried, "I feel so unappreciated!" To me, quality time and words of affirmation equal love.

It's easy to figure out your spouse's love language - just watch which language they speak to you. Chances are they are speaking their own language.

What about children?
Children are developing as individuals. Depending on your child's age, it is possible that there is a distinct love language already displayed. Younger children tend to need ALL types of love.

Here are a few ideas of ways you can show love to your children and foster a healthy self-esteem in them:
  • Make it a habit to spend uninterrupted quality time with your child. No phones. No computer. No TV. Just you.
  • Go on a date with your child. Ice cream and the dollar store are a winner at my house!
  • While looking into their eyes, tell your children that you love them every day.
  • Buy your kids something fun for no reason at all. It can be small and simple, like a ball or a book. A hand-made tutu would make a fabulous gift too!
  • Set a beautiful table for a small family dinner to communicate to your kids that they are worth the effort just as much as your other dinner guests.
  • Hug your children daily. For 'non-huggers', a high-five or a special secret handshake will work (but I wouldn't give up on the hugging)
Happy Valentine's Day, Everyone!!
Enjoy all the love around you.



  1. Rafael and I read "The Five Love Languages" while we were engaged and it changed our relationship for the better. Not only did we learn to show each other love in the way each of us needed it but we also learned to appreciate whatever form of love we were receiving even if it wasn't the preferred method. I would encourage every couple to read this book. Before I read the book the concept of several different love languages never even crossed my mind. And I love your ideas for kids too, I know for the kids in my classroom there is nothing they love more than some one-on-one time with me. Even if its just for 5 minutes they love having all my attention........and who are these non-huggers???????????????????

  2. Absolutely. There are several great books out there about love languages. I'm so glad you read one before you got married. I think there is one about love languages for kids. As a mom and teacher, I would like to read it.

    And yes, as foreign as it may sound, there are some people who prefer not to be touched.